3/7/2021

Today is 3rd July 2021. I am so busy at this week. I made a big big mistake on Wednesday. I was singing without muting my mic in a class with 200 people. I was planning to move to Japan after getting vaccination. In Mandarin, there is a word to describe this awkward moment, it called ‘社会性死亡’ which means the ‘social death’. I always do such a thing like this. I have already experienced so many times of social death. I am a professor at death sociologist, a walking social death textbook.

When I was 7 years old, I was getting vaccination at my primary school. I was so scared and I screamed loudly then the whole school is filled by voice. This is the first death.

When I was 14 years old, I was at secondary school. My friends pranked me. They were pretending me to write a love letter to a girl. The girl was looking for me everyday and I was so awkward. The whole school of students knew that the girl was looking for me. This is second death.

When I was 15 years old, I gave up a question in a science exam and I did something that very stupid. There is a question asking that where is the special point the picture, then I answered it with ‘where got special?’. Yes, I got scolded by the teacher in front the class. This is the third death.

When I was 17 years old, we have a weekly meeting(in fact is the school only held 1 meeting per week). That was my first time sitting beside a door. The door is impossible to open if you never touch it before. The door is designed by a very interesting tech. There were 1000 students in the hall and the head master asked me to open the door. Yeah, interesting. If you looked closely, you would confuse about how to open the door, people nearby me can feel me that the door was difficult to open. But if you looked at me from far, you would see a weak man pulling the door, just like a takuo who never did workout before so he couldn’t even open a door. I was so awkward and cringe. After that, a teacher has came to help me. BUT, this attack hadn’t ended yet. Actually, there was another classmate, she is a girl, we were opening our own door but she is a girl so everyone would not laugh at her because she might be weaker. BUT I AM A BOY. The teacher helped and walked away. The headmaster thought that I had already knew how to open the door and he asked me to help the girl. The problem is I DON’T KNOW HOW TO OPEN THE DOOR but I was thinking that I am a man so I have to help hers. Yup, I was betting there was a strong wind outside the door so that it could blew the door and open but the door has to be pulled instead of pushing. Really bad, really bad. I can’t open it. The whole students, 1000 students were focusing on me. They saw me failed to open the door. They laughed at me. 1 laughing voice might be fine. But 1000 laughing voices, WHAT THE HELL? This is the 4th death.

I had a driving test at April. I was passing all the section successfully. But the last section, actually that was not count as last section because NO ONE EVER DONE THAT. I was passing all the section and we have to drive the car to where you get the car. But my Malay is so back and misunderstanding. The placed car spot is on my left hand side of the last section, but I turned right. The examiner was scolding at me from far far away. Everyone was looking at me when I turn the way wrong and NO ONE EVER DONE THAT. I was so awkward that I wanted to die so the news could say that I was dead in an accident instead of ‘the boy turn right?’. This is the 5th death.

And the 6th death is on Wednesday. OMG

I study till 02.30 am every day. And now, hehe, I have to study. Bye